216. The ONE Word You Need To Banish From Your Vocabulary (mental clutter)

Words are powerful, in this episode I unveil the hidden consequences of this seemingly harmless word on our emotional well-being. By recounting my personal skirmishes with the word, I'll show you how altering our linguistic choices can ignite a gentler, more inquisitive approach to life's tasks—transforming obligation into opportunity.

From Chaos to Peace Consulting Inc - https://connygraf.com

Get notified of the next live round of Chaos to Peace Jumpstart

Transcript

Conny Graf: 0:58

Welcome to the Chaos to Peace with Conny podcast. I am Conny Graf, your host. I am here to explore with you how a few minutes a day can keep the chaos away, and with chaos I'm talking about the physical, digital, social, financial, mental, emotional and spiritual clutter that can accumulate in our life and business and our finances. Clutter is so much more than you think. I created this podcast to inspire you to do something about it. It's my deep desire to help you understand that you, too, can create and maintain an organized and supportive environment spending only a few minutes a day. Thanks for being here and enjoy the episode. Well, hello, my friend, welcome, welcome. How are you doing? Thank you so much for allowing me back into your ears, and today I want to talk about how powerful words are and how we can actually do whatever we want to do instead of procrastinating, if we are more intentional about our words, and one word in particular is a dream and goal killer, and that word is should. So we're going to explore how we can stop shooting ourselves, shooting ourselves, well, let's see. So when you say to yourself or to others, when you say it out loud and you're not just thinking it, so when you say or think I really should do that. It's usually code for I should do it, but I'm not going to. So let's explore what happens when you say, yeah, I really should do that. So in my perspective it creates a lot of emotional clutter.

Conny Graf: 2:48

Why emotional clutter? Well, tune in for a few seconds and pay attention how that feels when you think or say out loud I should really do this. I don't know about you, but I feel pressure, I feel guilt, resistance and, depending on my mood, I start to feel rebellious. Can you find a positive feeling? Because I really can't. I only find feelings that make me feel heavy and unmotivated. Feeling guilty or pressured or bad really doesn't motivate us to change or motivate us to do something. It just makes us feel really bad. And then we also create more mental clutter, because the sentence I should really do this is very sabotaging mental clutter to begin with. But then when we become aware of these feelings of guilt, resistance, heaviness etc. Then we usually start to pack more mental clutter on top of it by thinking I should do that, but I guess I'm just too lazy. And the more you tell yourself things like that, the more you believe it and it becomes your self-concept, a limiting belief about yourself, and you move further and further away from what you actually want. So this shooting ourselves creates mental and emotional clutter, and I don't know about you, but beating myself up to do anything might work at times, but it sure doesn't feel good and it's definitely not self-love and full disclosure. This is the kind of clutter mental and emotional clutter that I have to work on every day because my brain tries to shoot myself a lot and then I beat myself up and then I feel bad.

Conny Graf: 4:40

This all can happen in a split. That is because words are really powerful and we can either use them against us or for us in order to make progress with anything. As a first step, when you notice, you think or say I really should do this, counter right away with who says, who says you should do this. You are an adult and as adults we really don't have or should do anything. We can decide what we want to do, but there is no should. Nobody can tell you what you should do. But this is sometimes a bit abstract and not necessarily helpful right away.

Conny Graf: 5:26

So let's rather play a game. Let me introduce you to a word game that might help you get out of the shoulding yourself and taking action. We start by exchanging should for could. So one way to tweak your thinking is, when you notice, you say or think to yourself I should, so, when you are shooting yourself, to take a quick pause and exchange should for could. So, for example, instead of I really should declutter, think or say I really could declutter, and just pause like before and see how that makes you feel.

Conny Graf: 6:07

If you are human, which you most likely are, I bet the sentence with could feels better than the one with should. See if you can take action from that place, from the place of I really could declutter. Remember, all that we want to do is a few minutes a day that keeps the chaos away. So I really could do this, I could declutter, and by giving you the option, instead of shooting yourself, you might be able to take action. Another step is, or the the next step, if you like that game, that word game. The next step is to exchange could with the question could I? So instead of I could declutter. Try out could I declutter? This gives you even more freedom. So take a few moments to tune in and see how you feel. Could I declutter? How do you feel with that Could you, could you declutter?

Conny Graf: 7:06

When you word it this way, curiosity that you create with could or could I is so much kinder than blame and shame that inevitably comes with should and shoulding yourself. And remember I always say, clearing your clutter is self-love. We don't want to beat ourselves to self-love or to decluttering. Curiosity is so much more helpful.

Conny Graf: 7:35

Again, the goal is also to understand that you don't have to do anything.

Conny Graf: 7:39

You are an adult.

Conny Graf: 7:40

Nobody can tell you what to do.

Conny Graf: 7:43

What you want to understand is that you want to.

Conny Graf: 7:47

You don't want to stay stuck but get moving.

Conny Graf: 7:50

And you are more likely to get moving when you're kind to yourself and understand why you want what you want than shooting yourself.

Conny Graf: 7:59

As always, I will never tell you to get rid of anything, not even the word should. What I do help, you see, is the effect of all this clutter has on you and your life, and in this case the mental and emotional clutter. So be aware when you shoot yourself and see if, with the word games, you can get into the habit of a few minutes a day. That keeps the chaos away. And if you still struggle but are ready to make a change, contact me because I can help. You can bring your chaos to me, use the link in the show notes and sign up for a complimentary 30-minute chaos to Peace jumpstart call where we will address your most pressing pain point around clutter and chaos and how to solve it in a few minutes a day and, if you're ready, we can also discuss options for moving forward together and how I can help you out on your journey from Chaos to Peace. You find the links to sign up in the show notes.